And so much more…
My father, Stefan Einhorn, was a Holocaust survivor who's
philosophy was: "Turn you tears into laugher" and he did this
all his life by telling jokes and making people laugh.
By laughing - we can remember him!
If you have something funny to share please send it to:
Schwarzenegger has a big one,
Michael J. Fox has a small one,
Madonna doesn't have one,
The POPE has one but doesn't use it,
Clinton used his all the time,
Your dad has one but your mother uses it
What is it?
A last name.
Bear and Prostitute at the Bar after the fact. She askes for pay, he says for what ?
She , I am a woman who works for $ , a prostitute. He says , look up the dictionary.
Bear, eats Bushes and Leaves.
A guy walks into a bar, sits in front of the bartender and says urgently: " Hurry, give
me your best whisky before it starts" The bartender, not use to that kind of request
but still wishing to serve the guy, pours a glass of whisky. The guy drinks it and says
again: Give me another one before it starts." Again the bartender, puzzeled but
patient pours the whisky. The guy drinks it and again sasy ...give me one more shot
before it starts. The bartender, starting to worry asks the guy: "Can you pay for all
this?" and the guy replies: "Here it starts..."
Adam was walking around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked him,
"What is wrong with you?"
Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to.
God said that he was going to make Adam a companion & that it would be a woman.
He said, "This person will gather food for you, cook for you, & when you discover
clothing, she'll wash it for you. She will agree with every decision you make. She will
bear your children & never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of
them. She will not nag you, & she will always be the first to admit she was wrong
when you've had a disagreement. She will never have a headache, & she will freely
give you love & passion whenever you need it."
Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?"
God replied, "An arm & a leg."
Adam paused... "What can I get for a rib?"
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a pub and buy beers. Just as
they raise their drinks to their lips, three flies land in each of their pints. The
Englishman pushes his beer away in disgust, The Irishman fishes the fly out of his
beer and carries on drinking. The Scotsman picks the fly out of his drink and starts
shaking it, "spet et oot, ye thieving wee bleeder! Spet et oot...!"
A fairly old woman walks into the activities room at the senior center and says" the
first fellow who can guess what I am holding behind my back gets to have his way
with me" there is silence and then one gentleman yells out, " an elephant?" "Close
enough!" says the woman..
A man walks into a bank in New York City and says he is going to Europe on business
for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.
The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan, so the
man hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce parked on the street in front of the
bank. Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for
An employee drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the man returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes
The loan officer says, "We are very happy to have had your business, and this
transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were
away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us
is why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"
yarzheir (anniversary of my father's death):
Guy walks into a bar. Says, "Ouch."
Three blondes walk into a bar. You'd think one of them
would have noticed!
Dyslexic guy walks into a bra.